4 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationship
We carry a myth in our society regarding the perfect partner—the soul mate who can be all things at all times. All too often, that myth promotes the idea that relationships should be effortless. But developing a rhythm takes practice, and even smooth seas sometimes have rough waters.
Over time, little disagreements become patterns. We all bring our own complex emotional history to our relationships. Sometimes we end up arguing without even knowing why. Other times, we have the same argument over and over again, like a song on repeat.
Here are 4 tips on improving communication in your relationship, so you can play the next song together.
Focused Communication
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy for our frustration to bubble over and turn a minor disagreement into something bigger. When that happens, an argument over dirty dishes in the sink can turn into a deep dive into long-forgotten disputes and disappointments. With that in mind, it’s important we hone our communication skills and stay focused on the matter at hand.
When it’s time to talk about a problem, remember the following:
● Be Clear and Precise
When you talk to your partner about an issue, be ready to state your complaint clearly.
● Bring a Solution
Come to the table with a solution ready to go. Tell your partner what you need from them.
● Be Ready to Negotiate
Your partner has their own needs and boundaries. You may need to negotiate a new solution.
● Work as a Team
Remember that as a couple, if one person has a problem, you both have a problem. Your job is to work together to solve those problems.
● Stay Focused
Solve one problem at a time, and don’t worry about keeping score or get into old grudges. Try to avoid falling into the Tit for Tat pattern. When your partner expresses a concern, remind yourself that this is the time to listen, not to bring up a concern of your own.
At the heart of focused communication is about working together to provide each other a clear sense of your wants and needs. Once you both know what you want, you can work together to give it to each other.
Exploring with Questions
When your partner comes to you with problems or feelings they want to discuss, understand your role is to help explore those feelings. You can do this by asking questions about those feelings—where they come from, what they’re worried about, and what they hope for.
Our emotions want to be heard. When we feel understood, our emotions settle down. Conversely, when we feel ignored or disregarded, they may boil over and turn into anger or frustration. Listen to your partner without offering judgment or advice.
Set Healthy Expectations
We often dive headfirst into relationships without having talked about our expectations and desires. Even when we do talk about those things, it may happen in passing once at the start of the relationship—but our needs and desires change over time. Carve out time to check in with your partner and find out what they’re looking for.
● What are their goals? What are yours?
● How much time do they need? How much can you give?
● Are you taking time to connect with friends & family?
Your partner can’t be everything to you, and you can’t be everything to them. By helping each other remain independent, you can keep your spark alive.
Validation and Empathy
When you and your partner talk, make empathy a priority. Take time to put yourself in their shoes and understand how a situation might make them feel. Let them know you hear them. While we may assume that goes without saying, it’s critically important for us to say it out loud.
Interested in More Tips?
Reach out today to schedule a consultation if you’re struggling with communication in your relationships. Like anything else, communication is a skill that must be practiced—and they don’t teach it in school. A qualified therapist can help teach you the skills you need to express yourself clearly, and help your partner do the same in couples therapy.