Couples Therapy
Have Relationship Troubles With Your Partner Become Overwhelming?
Do you find that connecting with the person you once felt such a strong bond with has become difficult? Or have you been struggling for some time to revive the love and support that you once had, but to no avail? Despite the obstacles, are you still hopeful that your relationship could return to a place of stability and joy?
Finding that the partnership or marriage you once looked to for companionship has become a source of pain and strife can be a very difficult realization. And perhaps you hope that couples therapy is exactly what can bring your challenged union back to life.
What Other Factors May Be Contributing To Your Relationship’s Current State?
A troubled romantic relationship can affect every part of your life, consuming your thoughts and behaviors. In addition to fighting and feeling misunderstood, you might be encountering defensiveness, criticism, and emotional withdrawal from your partner, or vice versa. In some cases, you or your partner might have even sought emotional or physical connections outside of your relationship, causing an even bigger rift.
When a relationship has been in conflict for a long time, there may be a total lack of positive interpersonal experiences like shared humor, affection, or empathy. You likely want to be seen, understood, respected, valued, and appreciated by your partner.
At Attuned Minds Therapy, we understand your dilemma and offer counseling for couples that are struggling to connect. Having the desire to fix what may seem impossible to mend shows that your relationship is a priority worth saving.
Every Couple Experiences Periods Of Disconnection From Time To Time
Many people believe that “if I were just with the right person, we wouldn’t have these problems.” However, this is a common misconception. The truth is that individual differences will naturally lead to relationship challenges from time to time. It is crucial that you know how to address problems effectively with your partner.
It is also very common for relationship satisfaction to wax and wane during different life stages. For example, nearly 70 percent of all couples experience a decline in relationship satisfaction in the first 3 years after having a child.
While occasional disconnection within a relationship is not uncommon, some conflicts grow over time into greater emotional hurdles that partners do not feel equipped to handle on their own. Research shows that even when marital relationships start to deteriorate, most couples wait an average of six years before seeking professional help. According to Gottman (1999), “most marriages end on a whimper, the result of people gradually drifting apart and not feeling liked, loved, and respected."(1)
All Types Of Couples Have Many Of The Same Problems
Whether married, unmarried, heterosexual, or part of the LGBTQ+ community, all couples experience conflict. The difference between happy couples and unhappy couples is how they navigate conflict when it arises. The "start-up" or the way a topic of disagreement is brought up, is very important in setting the tone of the discussion. "Harsh'' start-ups are associated with marital uncertainty and divorce, while "soft" start-ups facilitate effective conflict conversations.
Few people have exceptional models for healthy relationships. In fact, many people are inundated with unhealthy examples from the media, society, and their families of origin. People are not taught how to sustain healthy relationship patterns, clear and effective communication styles, or repair connections after conflict.
It can be difficult to go through the trial and error of learning these skills on your own. But you and your partner don’t have to wait until things seem irreversible before trying to resolve your problems. With the help of an experienced couples therapist, you can find the way forward together, holding respect and love at the forefront and resolving conflicts graciously and productively.
Couples Therapy Can Help You Find Stability and Joy Again
The therapy process can help you prioritize what brought you together in the first place. Working on what you and your partner are experiencing is a way to bring hope back into the picture.
Research has shown that stable marriages have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions, even during conflicts, while unstable marriages have a 0.8:1 ratio. If you are interested in strengthening your marriage or partnership, counseling can help teach and refine the skills necessary to fortify your bond and increase both you and your partner's satisfaction.
Therapy is a helpful preventative measure and can support you in maintaining healthy interpersonal relationship patterns while also teaching you additional tools for success. If you sense that an issue may become more problematic over time, collaborating with a couples counselor can help address the concern before it gets out of control.
What To Expect In Couples Therapy Sessions
With the help of one of our couples therapists, you will learn about your relationship from a new perspective, identifying what behavior patterns are perpetuating your problems and what to start doing differently. We will help you identify your unique needs and determine what you are seeking to get out of the counseling experience.
Our goal at Attuned Minds Therapy, regardless of the presenting challenge or issue in your marriage or partnership, is to help both of you to learn how to communicate more effectively. We can help demystify the therapy process and make it less overwhelming.
Methods That Provide Knowledge And Proactive Steps Forward
The Gottman Method helps teach couples how to strengthen their friendship as the foundation of their relationship, turn towards one another's bids for emotional connection, and reduce the patterns of behavior that are obstructing intimacy.
Brief Relational Couples Therapy enables couples to utilize the strengths and resources of their partnership. Partners learn to take note of their skills, whether they realize they have them or not, and build upon previous successes in solving problems. The counselor makes it clear that they don’t have a one size fits all method to resolve couples’ conflicts, and that they can help guide the couple toward resolutions that work uniquely for them.
At Attuned Minds Therapy, we can help you and your partner feel more connected and enable you to better discuss and resolve conflict, rather than avoid topics or problems.
When you decide to seek couples counseling, your relationship will have already begun a healing path forward, no matter what the journey looks like from there. The sheer act of seeking help for your relationship shows that there is hope for its future and that change is possible.
You Might Still Have Questions About Couples Therapy…
We have been struggling for so long, I'm afraid that things will never change or get better.
Fear is an indicator of how much you want things to change and how much you stand to lose if things remain the same. Listen to those feelings and take action. As the great Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.” Change is possible and couples therapy can help.
My partner refuses to come to therapy, should I still come?
Hesitancy around therapy is very common. Some people struggle with avoidance or fears regarding stigma, or they have had negative therapeutic experiences in the past. Your partner's readiness today need not affect your decision to start your own therapeutic journey. Relationships are systems: if you attend therapy on your own and start to change, you have the ability to affect the larger system.
We don't really have "problems." Isn't couples therapy only for when something is "wrong" or needs to be "fixed"?
Not at all! Therapy can be proactive as well as preventative. You go to the doctor for an annual exam even when you are healthy, right? Therapy can be the same. We can all use help to learn new ways of thinking and behaving that can improve our lives, especially in our most important relationships.
Learn To Resolve Your Relationship Troubles
If you want to learn healthy ways to resolve conflict and increase connection in your marriage or partnership, couples counseling can support you as you grow. Call Attuned Minds Therapy® at 407-502-2635 for a free, 15-minute consultation. We will partner with you to find your path to a healthier relationship.
(1) Gottman, J. M. (1999). The marriage clinic: A scientifically based marital therapy. W W Norton & Co. (p. 24)