What to Do When You Can't Move Through the Stages of Grief
The journey through grief is difficult. It’s something we must all contend with at some point in our lives but often fail to comprehend until we experience it first-hand. Also, keep in mind that grief can come with any significant loss. Divorce, unemployment, or the loss of close friends are all causes of grief.
There are ‘five stages’ of grief that have famously been described: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You may experience all or some of these “stages”, and in any order. This process is a natural healing mechanism of the human spirit. We move through it, adapt, and change. While all of us make this journey at our own pace, in our own way, from time to time, we may end up feeling stuck.
Here’s what to do when that happens:
Assess Your Situation
If your car broke down on a long journey, the first thing you’d do is figure out where you are. That’s true with this process as well. Accepting that you are struggling through your grieving process and are feeling stuck is the first step. Your next step is understanding what you are experiencing and how it is affecting you.
Here are some signs associated with each of the various stages of grief:
Denial
Difficulty talking about the loss
Avoidance of related practical matters
Emotional numbness and detachment
Anger
Irritability or resentment
Viewing the loss as unfair
Lashing out at others
Bargaining
Feelings of guilt, shame, or responsibility
Struggling to find purpose
Trying to reverse or undo the loss
Depression
Feelings of hopelessness
Lack of interest in hobbies
Tendency toward isolation
Acceptance
Loss is acknowledged
Sense of peace is felt
Memories become a source of joy again
Practice Self-Expression
Often in life, with worries and emotions, it’s our attempts to silence them that cause them to linger. It may help you to think of those feelings as separate people. They’re parts of you that need to speak, and want to be heard. While it may feel uncomfortable or silly at first, consider starting a grief journal to write to yourself about what you’re feeling. Don’t worry about re-reading it later, or going back to it.
Don’t worry about grammar or spelling. The purpose is just to take those thoughts and feelings and let them take form. You don’t have to be a great artist or writer—you just have to let your self-expression come through. If those processes don’t work for you, find your way to a support group where you can let those thoughts out and they can be heard.
Be Kind to Yourself
No matter what type of grief you’re struggling with, you may have times where you feel inclined toward guilt and shame. When that happens, try practicing the art of viewing your situation from another angle. Look at it from the perspective of an outsider. When dealing with yourself, imagine you are dealing with a friend instead; what would you tell them? What would you want them to know?
Develop a Mindfulness Practice
Both grief and mindfulness are, at their heart, about acceptance. Mindfulness practices are meant to help you remain grounded in the moment and let your feelings flow through you without judgment. As a result, it’s a particularly powerful tool for the treatment of grief.
Be aware of your feelings
Share your feelings with others
Take care of your own needs
Honor and cherish memories
When you’re out at restaurant and missing your loved one, imagine them there with you. Can you imagine what comments or jokes they might make? While this may make you sad, it also demonstrates the many ways in which you carry them with you.
Getting Support
If you’re stuck somewhere on the grieving process, or tired of traveling it alone, please don’t hesitate to reach out for help. We can schedule a free consultation to talk about grief counseling. Everyone is different. Accordingly, we can develop a tailored plan to help you find your way through this journey.